Bye Bye Nikki? Part 1/Script
and Jen are watching a movie on a laptop. Actress: "Oh, Roger." Caitlin: "Oh, they're gonna kiss!" Jen: "Finally!" Caitlin and Jen: "Aww!" Jonesy: "What's with the heavy breathin'? Lookin' at photos of me?" Caitlin: "Ew!" Jen: "Gross!" Caitlin: "We're watching Sisterhood of the Backpacking Shorts. These girls go backpacking and fall in love with a bunch of international hotties." Wyatt: "Is it any good?" and Jonesy look at him oddly. "Can't a guy enjoy a movie about a magical pair of shorts that bond four women together in sisterhood?" Jude and Jonesy: "No!" Jen: "Can you imagine us going around the world together? Picture it: the six of us backpacking through France, Italy, Spain, Hungary!" Jude: "Definitely, bra. I could totally go for a burrito right now?" man walks by carrying a burrito. Jude spots him and suddenly appears in front of him. Jude: "Hey man. Wanna split that?" Penalty Box Customer: "Oh dear." takes off running. Jude: on his skateboard "Come back, dude!" and Wyatt watch for a bit before turning back to Jen and Caitlin. Jonesy: "Name one thing those countries have that the mall doesn't." Jen: "Uh, how about three things? Huge museums, incredible art galleries, soaring architecture?" Jonesy: "ENNH. There's a grade two art show over there, the museum store, and check out the soaring architecture of the food court. You can get internationally inspired food for under five bucks!" Jen: "Just like refried beans are not Mexico, the mall is not the world!" Nikki: up "Well it won't be my world for much longer. Not if my dad has anything to do with it." Jen: "What're you talking about?" Nikki: "My family might be moving." Jen, Caitlin, and Wyatt: "What?!?" Jonesy: "You're–moving away?" Nikki: "Looks like! Dad's got a job interview tomorrow, and if he gets it, we'll have to move up north next week!" Wyatt and Caitlin: "Oh no!" comes back dripping wet but munching on his stolen burrito. Jude: "I lost my house key in the fountain and my folks are away on vacay. I'm so locked out, bro." notices the sombre mood of the table. "Why so quiet, dudes?" Caitlin: crying "Only because–it's the end of the world as we know it!" ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''Bye Bye Nikki? Part 1' ---- '''Jude:' "Nikki might be moving?!? My mellow is officially harshed." Caitlin: sniffling "It's like–I don't even want to shop anymore!" bursts into tears. Nikki: "How could he do this to me? To us?" Wyatt: "What job is worth moving your whole family?" Jen: "Ah! Don't even use the m-word!" Jude: "Which one? Magnet? Muchacho?" Wyatt: "No. Move." Jen: "I said quit it!" Nikki: "My dad's in the running to become the new vice-president of Ruts." Wyatt: "What?" Jonesy: "Wow!" Caitlin: "No." Jen: "That's amazing! Ruts is so cool. They did the uniforms for the Canadian Olympic team." Caitlin: "Their leather bags are totally chic!" Jonesy: "And my butt always looks great in their jeans. Just ask the ladies." Nikki: "So as long as your butt is happy, it's cool?" Jen: "Going from senior manager of Discount Dave's Fashion Cabana to VP of Ruts is a huge deal!" Caitlin: "Ooh, do you think he'll start dressing better?" Nikki: "Relocating to some backwoods craptown is a huge deal too! But do I even get a say? No. My life is ruined!" Jonesy: "Yep, no big whoop. We'll be here, you can visit us anytime." Nikki: "Glad you're taking this in stride." Jonesy: "My new job awaits, better get movin'." Jen: her ears "No one's moving, I can't hear you, la la la la la la la la la la la la–" Jonesy: "Later." Jen: "–la la. La la la la, la la la la, la la la la–" Jude: to Nikki "I think Jen may be broken, bra!" Jen: "–la la! La la la!" Nikki: "At least she's bummed that I'm leaving." Jen: "La la la la la la la la–" ---- is inside Grind Me. He takes a sip of his coffee and sets it down on a table. Jonesy: "Wow. No sniffing the aroma? No saving the roasted thingamajigs?" Wyatt: "What's a perfectly roasted blend from northern Sumatra, when one's best friend is moving away?" Jonesy: "That's right, one best friend is moving away, but the Jonesmiester is here to stay!" Wyatt: "How come you're not upset about Nikki leaving? You're losing your best friend and your girlfriend." Jonesy: "Guess I'm not the emotional type. I'm more like the strong and silent type. Except for the silent part." Wyatt: "And the strong part. Seriously." Jonesy: "I am good, Wyatt my man, good with a capital ood." Wyatt: outside "Isn't your job selling scarves and sunglasses and stuff from a cart?" people are simply taking things from the cart and not paying. Jonesy: "Yep! And I barely have to be there because no one ever buys that crap." Wyatt: "But they do steal it." Jonesy: "What?!?" looks over and sees his empty cart. "Oh, I am so fired." Wyatt: "There's a surprise." Jonesy: "After I return the cart, this guy's gonna celebrate his independence." Wyatt: "When people lose someone they love, they often go through seven stages of anguish. I'm a bit of an expert. I think you've skipped panic and gone straight to number two: denial." Jonesy: "The only denial I'm suffering from is that I can't deny the smell of delicious tacos." up "Later." leaves. Wyatt: "Classic profile. Better spread the word." ---- has her head down on the counter. A customer walks up carrying two different bike wheels. Cowboy: "Which tarr would yew recommend fer a long distance cahcle?" Jen: "Sure! Go away! Leave everyone you care about behind!" cowboy backs away, and a new customer takes his place. This one is carrying a rollerblade. Greeter God: "Can you tell me which wheels move better on concrete?" Jen: her ears "No one's moving I can't hear you la la la la la la! La la la la–" backs away. "–la LA la la la–" ---- is sitting at the table playing his guitar while Caitlin looks through magazines at work. Caitlin: "Skateboarding magazines? Who ordered those? Ah, here we go. International Teen Style." Wyatt: singing "Nikki/Oh, Nikki/You dropped the news on us so quickly/I feel like I'm losing a finger/I know the pain will linger." Caitlin: tearful "My heart is totally breaking." stops playing. Wyatt: unhappy "And that's the happy song." Caitlin: "No. I just read that women in Thunder Bay are wearing high-waisted kulats and plastic clocks." walks up. "You can't move north! Your torso is far too short to pull off high-waisted kulats!" Nikki: "Thanks for the tip, though I doubt that will convince my dad to skip his job interview tomorrow." Caitlin: "Do you think anything else could convince him?" Nikki: "I wish. The man's got a one-track mind. And he's aced every job interview he's ever had. It's as hopeless as the most hopeless thing ever. Times ten." begins crying again. Wyatt sighs. Wyatt: "Oh, I just calmed her down!" Nikki: "I should–go. Sorry. Later." waves goodbye and backs away. Caitlin: tears "Bye bye, Nikki. Buh–bwwaAAHHH!" resumes her wailing. Wyatt: and playing "Nikki/Oh Nikki/She left her friends–" Caitlin and Wyatt: "in a mall." Wyatt: "When her dad got the VP call/All she could do was say good–" Caitlin and Wyatt: "Bye." Wyatt: "And her friends just cried and cried..." Caitlin: crying "Cry, cried!" ---- is getting tacos from Wonder Taco. Jonesy: "Two Super-stacked combos." Julie: out a tray "One for you, one for your sweetie." Jonesy: "Both are for me, my fair Julie, so how about you give me two tacos for the price of one? C'mon, be a pal." rolls her eyes. "Can I at least get some extra hot sauce?" hands over a bottle. "Great! And some more jalapeños?" shakes her head. "Refried beans." head continues shaking. "Double cheese?" Nope. "A few extra onions." dice. "C'mon." walks away, irritated with his inability to bargain any extra goodies out of Julie. Julie: "Wyatt's right. Jonesy's hit the third stage of anguish: bargaining." ---- [Jonesy is rocking out, playing ''Rock Maniac at the video game store, when he suddenly stops midsong.]'' Jonesy: "Here I am enjoying myself while Nikki goes through this move all alone? What am I? A monster?" Jude: Stanley "Just hit stage four, bro. Guilt." hands over some money. "Five to one says he hits anger in three...two...one..." starts playing a new song, misses a note, and starts trying to smash the guitar. Jude holds out his hand, and Stanley drops some more change into it. ---- is watching a movie. Actor: "You mock my family! I teach you the meaning of pain!" Actor #2: "Just try it!" beaten up "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!" Jonesy: "That's exactly how I feel. Tied up in knots while a kung-fu master beats me with a really hard stick." Pre-teen Boy: "Ssh." Pre-teen Girl: to him "Depression." Pre-teen Boy: "Oh." breaks down in tears. Jonesy: crying "I don't want Nikki to leave! She's my girl!" Pre-teen Girl: "Wyatt said acceptance is next." Jonesy: motivated "I may have gone through the first six stages, but the Jonesmiester doesn't accept anything! Not rampant failure at my many jobs, not rejection at the hands of too many girls to count, and I will not accept that Nikki is moving away! Watch out world, you've unleashed the beast!" theater cheers his speech. ---- guys and Caitlin are inside the game store. Caitlin: "I don't think I can do this." Jonesy: "Do you want Nikki to leave?" Jude: "No! Dude!" Jonesy: "Just read from the script I wrote. It's Oscar-worthy material. At the very least a Gemini." looks over the script, pulls out her phone, and makes a call. Mr. Wong: "Hello?" Caitlin: "Good day, Mr. Wong. I am calling on behalf of the Senior VIP–" Jonesy: whispering "Senior VP!" Caitlin: the phone "It clearly says VIP! Learn to spell!" Mr. Wong "The Senior VP of Ruts." Mr. Wong: "Alright." Caitlin: "Due to a scheduling conflict, your interview will now be held at the Grind Me in the mall. Do not, I repeat do not, go to Head Office." guys cringe, awaiting the reply. Mr. Wong: "Uh, okay." Caitlin: "Great. We'll see you then." hangs up. The guys exhale, relieved. Caitlin: "You really think this will work?" Jonesy: "Nikki said her dad has his final interview today. But Ruts won't hire him if he blows the interview." Wyatt: "Never happen. Have you met Mr. Wong?" Jonesy: on a black wig and glasses "I happen to know him intimately." Wyatt: shocked "You're going to impersonate Mr. Wong at the mall?!?" Jonesy: "Correction. I'm going to impersonate Mr. Wong at Head Office while Jude impersonates the Senior VP of Ruts and interviews the real Mr. Wong back here." hands Jude a suit. Jude: "I get to be a Senior VP? Cool!!!" a beat "I have no idea what that is." Caitlin: "What about me? I love dressing up!" Jonesy: her glasses and a hat "You'll be Jude's faithful assistant. We'll call you Lola." Caitlin: "I really should wear hats more often. Cute, no?" Wyatt: "This is so wrong I don't even know where to start!" Jonesy: "No one tell Nikki! If she accidentally lets it slip to her folks, we're sunk." Jude: "I need to move before interviewing Nikki's dad. Peace!" Jude, and Jonesy walk out of the game store. Wyatt: "I have no idea what any of you people are doing!" ---- walks up to her workplace and finds a welcome mat laid out in front of it. Caitlin: "Why is there a welcome mat in front of my lemon?" opens the Big Squeeze and gasps. A clothesline has been strung up inside, and a potted plant is sitting on the counter. Jude rises up, dressed in his suit, and yawns. Caitlin: "Jude? What're you doing? Why are you already in your suit?" Jude: "Lost my house key, bra. I'm officially homeless." Caitlin: "Do you have to be homeless in my lemon?" Jude: "Gameatorium is being sprayed for roaches. Wasn't me! You won't even know I'm here." pulls up her blender. Two socks are in it, and their are flies buzzing around them. Jude: "Heh heh. I'll take those." looks at him disgustedly. From across the food court, Ron has the same expression. Ron: "Illegally habitating in the food court. We'll see about that." begins writing a ticket. ---- and Wyatt walk past Vegan Island. Nikki: "Stupid dad and his stupid new job. Can't he stay here and do his stupid old job instead?" Wyatt: "Doesn't he totally hate working at Discount Dave's Fashion Cabana?" Nikki: "Well I totally hate moving, but that doesn't seem to count!" exhaling "Jen refuses to discuss it, Jonesy acts like it doesn't even bug him–" Wyatt: "Trust me, it's bugging him." Nikki: "Mmm, what do you know?" Wyatt: "Nothing! But with any luck, you won't have to switch towns, and schools–" Nikki: anxious "New school! I never even thought about that!" Wyatt: "No, I didn't mean to–" Nikki: "And it'll be a mid-term transfer! Worst time ever to be the new kid at school!" Wyatt: "C'mon, I'm sure you'll do fine." Nikki: "Fine? Fine like Tessa from Texas? The only friend she's ever made is Julie! Even Darth shuns her!" the awful "Maybe, back where she's from, Tessa was actually–cool! NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" ---- is sitting at the table despondently while Jude does laundry in the blenders. Caitlin watches them. Jude: "Why do things always have to change?" hands Caitlin a pair of undies, and she hangs them up. Jude blows his nose into a new, unwashed pair. Nikki: up "I don't want to be Tessa from Texas!" Jen: "Huh?" Wyatt: "The girl at school with no friends and no boyfriend." Caitlin: "Ah, yes. The curse of the midterm transfer student." Nikki: "I don't wanna leave you guys. I like my life here. A lot. A lot a lot. So–I know I just said it was hopeless, but just forget about what I said, and help me!" walks up wearing the wig and glasses. Nikki notices this, and then sees that Jude is in a suit. Nikki: "What's with the getups?" Jude "You look like a goon–" Jonesy "–and you look like my dad." Jonesy: "Great! Um, I mean, I'm so broken up about you leaving, I've aged twenty years!" Nikki: "I'll deal with you later. Right now I've got a million other questions." hides his disguise when she turns around. "If our family has to move, how do I convince my parents to let me stay? And even if they say yes, where will I live?" Jen: "A million questions, and five best friends willing to help!" friends form a group hug. Nikki: "Oh, thanks guys." Jude: relaxed "Whoo. Nikki isn't gonna move, I've got a rockin' crash pad, life is sweet." hand clamps down on Jude's shoulder. Ron: "This is a food stand, not a flophouse, maggot." Jude: "Bummer." ---- enough, Jude has loaded up all his gear into a grocery cart under the watchful gaze of Ron. Jude: "There's a vacancy at the lemon now." pushes his cart away. Nikki: "Oh, thanks Jude, but...no." ---- friends are gathered around the table. Only Jen and Jonesy are missing. Nikki: "Tell me someone had some luck!" Caitlin: "I asked my parents if you could move in, but they didn't think it was right to break up your family." Wyatt: "My parents want me to go with you." Jude: "There's room in my cart." Nikki: "Ugh." thunks her head on the table. Jen comes running up with Jonesy right behind her. Jen: "My mom said she's willing to consider taking you in for the rest of the school year!" Nikki: "Willing to consider? Huh. The three sweetest words in the English language!" Jen and Nikki: "EEEEE!" Jude: "Eee-hee-hee-hee!" Jen: "Once you move in, I'm sure we can convince them to let you stay till the end of high school." Nikki: "Now I have to ask my parents. Ugh..." Jen: "I'll do it! Parents love me." Nikki: "Thanks, but this is something they should hear from me. I mean...how hard can it be?" ---- few hours later, it is proving to be very hard. Nikki's friends watch from the table as the argument heats up, getting louder and louder. Mr. Wong: "Listen to me and your mother! No daughter of ours is moving in with her boyfriend at sixteen!" comes back to the table. "She'll move and she'll like it! We'll take her by force if necessary!" Nikki: down "Let's just say it's a no-go. What am I gonna do now?" Caitlin: "Only one thing left to do. You and Jonesy have to break up." Jonesy: "Not helping." Caitlin: "Think about it! If Nikki's parents think your relationship is over, maybe they'll reconsider!" and Nikki look at each other, realizing the idea is viable. Jonesy runs over to Caitlin and hugs her. Jonesy: "You're a genius!" Caitlin: "Ahem?" Jonesy: "A gorgeous genius?" Caitlin: "That's better." Jude: "Dude! Time for the main event!" turns Jonesy around in the direction of the Wongs, who are walking towards the table. Jonesy: improvising "Would you stop harping on me to get a job? The Jonesmiester doesn't work. He's better as a kept man!" Nikki: "What are you doing?" sees her approaching parents. "Oh! Oh!" stands up and gets into the act. "If you think I'm gonna support your taco habit, you've got another thing coming, bub! Get a job! Uh, do better in school! Or we're through! I deserve a winner!" Jonesy: "Well then I'm all wrong for you! I'm a total loser! Wait–" Nikki: "You're right! We are so over!!!" Jonesy: "Fine by me!" stomps away. Nikki's parents grin at each other, ecstatic, and leave. As soon as they're gone, Jonesy comes running back. Jonesy: whispering "Love ya." Nikki: "Me too." exchange a short kiss. Jude: his shopping cart "If you dudes will excuse me, I have to find somewhere to live." ---- naked Jude is about to dive into the fish tank at Super Terrific Happy Sushi. Jude: "Comin' through, lobster dudes." dives into the water. A few seconds later, Hiro throws the kitchen doors open angrily. Hiro: "What are you doing in my fish tank?!?!?" Jude: "Just takin' my morning bath, sushi guy." unsheathes his katana. "Whoa!" Hiro: "YAAAAAA!!!" scrambles out of the tank, grabs his clothes, and makes a run for it. Jude: "Whoa! Later!" stops short of slicing him apart and lets Jude run out of the store alive. Naked, but alive. ---- has gone to Head Office dressed as Nikki's father. Senior VP: "Mr. Wong! Nice to finally meet you!" pauses. "Why, you're not old enough to have a teenage daughter!" Jonesy: "Am too!" his voice "I mean, I drink a lot of green tea." Senior VP: laughing "Don't be nervous now!" Jonesy: "Not nervous at all, I've thrown plenty of interviews." VP raises an eyebrow. "I mean, aced plenty of interviews. Heh." ---- is trying out the museum store. He crawls out of a miniature pyramid. Jude: "Man! Egypt sure is cramped." spots Ron. "Can't be late for the interview." Ron: "I see you, maggot." Jude runs away "No loitering!" ---- Jonesy: "Kids should be banned from our retail outlets. They're like wild dogs, shedding and drooling everywhere." Senior VP: "That'll attract a higher-wage-earning clientele! And richer customers equal greater profits!" Jonesy: "Seriously, you like that idea?" interviewer nods. "No washrooms in my stores, employees can pee on their own time." Senior VP: "Well that'll cut down building costs!" Jonesy: "I'll only be in my office when my irritable bowel syndrome isn't flaring up, and it's always flaring up." farts. "Oh, yeah." Senior VP: "Reduced accessibility equals greater oversight! You really know your business strategy, Mr. Wong!" Jonesy: "No sugar and cream in my break rooms, 'cause there are no breaks!" pours a full container of cream out on his interviewer's head. Senior VP: "That'll save thirty-four percent on overhead!" Jonesy: "You've gotta be kidding me." Senior VP: "I never joke when I offer someone a job! You're hired!" shakes Jonesy's hand. ---- is interviewing the real Mr. Wong. Jude: "What's your fave color? And what's your take on space aliens?" whispering "I've totally seen 'em." Mr. Wong: "This is all a bit unorthodox, but okay. Dark blue, and yes, I believe in the concept of life on other planets." Jude: "Great answers, Mr. Dude." Mr. Wong: "Mr. Wong." Jude: "Exactly. Just one more question. What would you do if a kid did a reverse ollie off the counter in one of your Ruts stores? Hmm?" Mr. Wong: "Probably start clapping? I used to be quite the boarder, though in my day it was on longboard." Jude: his hand "You're so hired!" Mr. Wong: "Fantastic!" Caitlin: "What?" Mr. Wong: "When can we discuss salary and location?" Jude: "Um...tell him, Lola." Caitlin: "Me? Oh, you're such a–great boss! Heh!" Mr. Wong away "Just go away now, we'll be in touch." Jude: "Don't call us, we'll call you!" looks at Jude angrily. ---- gang are gathered around the table. The only one missing is Nikki. Jonesy: "I did everything I could! I even farted and poured cream on his head, but the guy still loved me!" Wyatt: "Of all the times for that to happen." Jonesy: "Guess Nikki really is leaving." Nikki: up with her father "I'm so glad we're over! Now I can concentrate on my studies!" leans back in his chair and burps. Mr. Wong: "Uch! Are you sure you can handle living with that brute?" picks his nose and burps. Nikki: "Yep, living with Jerksy won't be easy." Jonesy: "Hey!" Nikki: "But I can turn a blind eye for the sake of my academic career." Mr. Wong: "Then you may have a trial sleepover before I make my final decision." and Jen hi-five. Jude: "Sweet." Mr. Wong: "That young man looks familiar." Jonesy: "Uh, quick, somebody pull my finger!" does so, and Jonesy farts. Nikki's father gasps and pulls his daughter away from the table. She surreptitiously flashes her friends a thumbs-up. They return it and breathe a sigh of relief. ---- and Nikki are in Jen's bedroom. Jen: "I always sleep on the left, so you can have the right." Nikki: "Thanks, Jen." sets down a can of soda. Jen: a coaster under it "Oops! Wouldn't want to get ring-a-los." sits back on the bed and begins eating chips. Jen watches nervously. Nikki: the bag "Chip?" Jen: up the crumbs "No crummies in bed!" Nikki: "Crummies?" ---- is flipping through channels. She stops on one. Jen: "Yes! Law and Justice: Traffic Division is starting!" Nikki: "Ugh. You're still into cop shows? I thought that was just a phase." Jen: "Oh no. It's a passion. I mark 'em all in this journal so I'll never miss a single episode!" rolls her eyes. ---- bedtime. Nikki can't sleep, but Jen is sound asleep. Jen: "She shoots, she scores! Jen takes the gold, silver, and the bronze!" tries to blot out the sound. Jen: "Whoo! Go, Jen, go, Jen, go, Jen!" Nikki: "Please! Stop! Talking!" Jen: asleep "She steps up to the podium, every inch a champion!" Nikki: "Oh..." ---- is sleeping inside a beach store. Ron, who is wandering the mall, finds him. Ron: "That's number three, street meat! You're out of the mall for good!" with his keys "As soon as I find the right key." ---- is eating cereal in his bathrobe and slippers when he hears a knock on his glass backdoor. Glancing out, he sees a strange sight. The sight in question is a sopping wet Nikki. Jonesy: "Gah!" the door "Nikki?" Nikki: "I just–sleepwalked into the pool. I always sleepwalk when I'm stressed." Jonesy: "Relax. What have you got to stress about?" looks at him angrily. "Okay. So your dad did get the new job and your family is moving to the North Pole." Nikki: "Iqaluit. We're moving to Iqaluit. As in, Nunavut?" Jonesy: "But it's cool. 'Cause you're totally going to wind up living here. In Jen's room. Forever!" hustles over with a vacuum cleaner and begins sweeping. Jen: muttering "Sure. Drip all over the floor. Who cares? It's not like anyone's gonna do anything about it. People can be so inconsiderate. But don't worry. Jen'll clean it up. Oh yeah, Jen takes care of everything!" Nikki's thoughts: Iqaluit or here, I'm doomed!" ---- '''To Be Continued...' ---- Category:Season 4